Memories & Pain

My Broken Spirit


I miss the time with my mom & Dad. I always felt safe and secure until I lost my dad on April 7th, 1995. My whole world came crashing down. Two years of sorrow and wearing black as a symbol of my immense loss crying most of the time during that period. But I had my mom to fall back on and with time I was able to live with the fact that my dad won't be coming back. My mom consoled me throughout that difficult time. We also had our arguments over the past 24 years after my dad passed away. But she was always there and we had our jointly owned home we purchased together after my dad was gone. When I would come back home from work or visiting my friends or even when I would go away for a weekend or longer once I got back home, she was always there and it was always so satisfying to know that my mom was still around and I could come home and sit down and tell her about my day or my experiences whilst I was away from home. She would make me coffee every morning and and tea during the day and at night. We would sit sometimes until late at night into the early morning hours and chat or watch TV together and share stories or good memories of the past. 
April 28th, 2019 my mom died at home after suffering complications due to her declining health. She died one day before my 48th birthday. It wasn't the birthday I had in mind. I did not celebrate my birthday nor did I buy any cakes or tarts etc. The mood was too sombre. 
 That void is now completely empty and I cannot get it filled or seem to find some kind of solution to that empty void. The damage is irreparable. How do you even begin to deal with this unimaginable pain that won't go away?
The loneliness and sorrow far surpasses the loss.
I feel completely abandoned. Left to my own devices now that my mom is gone, I've become obsolete & useless to the rest of the world not to speak of my decline in health.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
19 October 2022
Chris DeFlamingh

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friends for Life (My other family)

Image
My friends whom I met & known over the past thirty (30) plus (+) years have always meant the world to me as I would always try my best to be loyal to all my friends, as friendship has always been very important to me. We would always meet up for beach braais (bar-b-que), birthday parties, stock cars at Goodwood show grounds (long before it became Grand West) on a Saturday & Friday nights. We did alot of stuff together and felt like a family (almost like a brotherhood). Many nights we would just sit and chat when we didn't have money to go out or go to local clubs like Aligators (Paarden Eiland), Arena (close to the waterfront) , Crowbar(CBD), Quay 4 (on the waterfront) and many other venues. The Blue Peter was just a small little venue back then in the early nineties (1990's) and we often pop in for late night drinks. Then there was also a club called Tramps in Greenpoint very close to Arena which we went on quite a few occasions as well. Those were the good old days fu
Read more

My Life Story

Image
My Life Story I was born Christo De Flamingh on 29 April 1971 on the early hours of that Thursday morning.  When I was about 4 years old when we lived in a military base as my dad was an artillery instructor in the SADF. This was our first family home after I was born.  One night we had visitors over and my mom sent me to run a bath for myself.  I placed the plug into the bath trap and opened the hot water tap. After a couple of minutes as alot of kids do, I got bored waiting for the bath to fill up with water.  I decided to lie on top of the edge of the bath and after a couple of seconds I lost my balance and fell into the bath half filled with hot water and almost immediately I let out a blood curling scream. My mom appeared in an instant as she ran to the bathroom after my screams for help. She picked me up out of the bath and covered me with a blanket and my dad rushed me to the military hospital in Wynberg military base. I had suffered severe burns over the upper part of my body a
Read more

Tears of Grief

Image
 Tears of loss In the month of June 2021, I suffered the loss of four loved ones due to illness /  Covid-19 and old-age.  God has not forsake us as I can testify to that. Since I lost my only surviving parent in April 2019,  I have only strengthened my love and trust in God since my mom's passing.  1. Ta' Saartjie (Aunt - my mom's sister)  2. Tony (Cousin)  3.Pieter (Cousin)  4. Tannie Cora (Aunt - my mom's sister-in-law)  I will miss you and love you always. Rest in peace. God is our Strength and Protector. He will be with us no matter what.  To God be the glory. Amen🙏🙏🙏
Read more